My Life, My soul

Long time no post....6mths! lol..

2010-03-11T22:14:00.003+08:00

Well, it just like wad my title said, haha, yea...i haven't been posting for around 6 months.

Lots of things happened, just tat been busy with all sort of things, school work (at least i'm done with NP now), work and mostly spending my time with her. =)

Look like less than 2 - 3 months i will be botak! yup! A phase of life where every singaporean guy need to go through, National Service. I'm in pes BP and it means 4 mths of BMT.

I been wondering, how shld i spend my NS time? Afterall, it's 2 year where u get to experience of things. Soooo..might as well use it fully. Hope i'm able to get into Specialist or OCS. Never thought that i had this kind of mindset too, but i know that i will be able to learn alot if i try my best in this 2 year. Better than 'keng' through.

I can't put down alot of things definately...well i won't go futher into this part. That's all for today post! Bye!

Miss u...

(just recover from fever today, sore throat is killing me!)

Work...

2009-09-11T09:04:00.000+08:00

Boring...

currently working in the armoury now...so boring...ahhhhhhhhh.

FB application can't entertain me...music cannot play loud loud...OMG OMG OMG...it's killing me whn working alone in the armoury. Nth much to do during the weekend also...yea...working tml, sunday is the monthly shoot, meaning i'm seeing the range the whole week...=.=

next week will be free...yay!

mmmm...want to find time to go SG flyers in the nite man~ ~ ~ and ya...22nd Sept NPSC BBQ!

2 weeks into hols

2009-08-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

Yea...like wad the title suggest...i almost past 2 weeks of the hols out of 9 weeks...ya...bored...

life's pretty boring for a poly student if u dun work, meaning...
no work = no $$$ = no life...

so...i got myself to work at the armoury...ya...to save $$$ for that morini pistol grip...tat will cost me @ least $350

Training fees, dun really matters now...ya...since it's only $4 for 1 training session...? meaning i can choing~ ~ ~ somemore using LP2

Hmmm...nth special happens lately...September is 1 hell of mth filled with bdaes... -.-

Holidays, i really want to spend my time with her...every single day...but i know it's quite impossible, i'm so gald to have her ard me all the time...

I realise everytime i got nth to do...thoughts run wild, very wild...i want to go for a drink...at orgo...a bar i love it so much...it's so peaceful there...

I want to re-ingited my passion of my life once again...and for the last time...the fire in me...i will protect it...with my will...to keep it forever...

look forward to 4E3 gathering...but WHO'S GOING..!!!??? and also looking forward to watch G-Force with Xiu Qin =)

End...Start of a new journey...

2009-08-16T22:19:00.000+08:00

YAY! FINALLY...end of attachment and tml will be our final presentation...

Good luck to those who are having exam!

Hmmm...went through alot alot in this past 6 months, really learn alot of stuff that is applicable to the real society. I guess that grade doesn't matter to me now, I learn so much, so much to where 3 years in my poly life can't even be cover up.

突然间，我的心好静，好舒服。。。有种说不出的感觉, this is wad i just told her...after been through so much...now i can finally concentrate on other thing i want to excel...

Her, Earning Money, Car License, Shooting...

So little yet so much...haha...but everything seems so peaceful now...hope tat is not the clam before the storm...*TOUCHWOOD* X 9343989 times

I feel so peaceful now while typing this...i got alot of things i want to say but now i dunnow where to start, and how to start...

Let a new legend unfold...hahahahaha

Counting down....

2009-08-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

1 MORE DAY!!!!!

End....

2009-07-15T08:47:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh...for how long i haven't blog...i don't know. hahaha...

Attachment is ending in a month time...YAY *open champagne and celebrate* WOOT!

Ya...hmmm...for what kind of grades i get in this period of 6 months doesn't really matters to me. Well, of course i don't fail.

The truth is i learn alot in this 6 months and made some friends. After the attachment end, I don't what should i do before the next semester start, work maybe, part time but not full time bah...and most probably at HTNS.

Of course, to spend more time with her =)
All the while i been working working working, hardly have anytime for her. =| Sometimes i feel like I'm neglecting her and don't understand her =(
I felt abit lost when she is upset, don't really know what to do. When I feel sian sometimes, seeing her smile or hearing her laughter, it lighten my mood. Just feel good to have her around me sometimes =)

I really need some good rest after the attachment end, and slowly adjust my life back.

Another thing i had in mind is my shooting. Been neglecting my training alot recently also. Not that i don't have the time, but when i have the time i rather rest than tired myself out.

I shot a 517 on July monthly shoot. Felt great, though the 1st series is very unstable but i manage to get my rhythm back at the last few series. Glad that i survive...hahaha

And ya...watching Harry Potter on this Sunday ^^ can't wait for this sunday to come ^^

COME FASTER...MY HOLIDAYS!!!!!

.........................

2009-07-10T09:01:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to put for this post title.

I'm feeling weird and I'm not sure why or how. I had been asking myself alot things recently. Have I really try hard for whatever I'm doing?

There's alot of IF going in my head, 'if I didn't do this...', 'if I had said this...', 'if this and that...'

My mind is just confuse, maybe I don't even know how I'm feeling. Maybe all this while, the pressure on me is stacking up, just that I don't realise myself. I'm just feeling abit lost.

My life right now still not stable yet. I need more time, hopefully things will be better after my attachment end. I really don't want mess up everything again.

[3 Doors Down: Kryptonite]
I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
But i watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
I feel there is nothing i can do

Yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all i knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end

If i go crazy then will you still
Call me superman
If i'm alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets i will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

If i go crazy then will you still
Call me superman
If i'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

If i go crazy then will you still
Call me superman
If i'm alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!

If i go crazy then will you still
Call me superman
If i'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh
Woah-woah-oh

Belated bdae

2009-07-05T14:19:00.002+08:00

Eh...yup...got another present ystd...a stuff toy panda and a handphone stripe from kitty...haha...

It's very cute and i like it alot...thanks kitty =D

Morning was at AMK, jubeat-ing thn left ard 6, went to prata at gombak, meet up with daryl...eat...

DRINK..ALOT!!!

ya...chat alot, our lifes, studies, future...ya...

Happy...

2009-07-02T22:36:00.002+08:00

Thanks to those who wish me happy bdae...especially to her, who spend the whole day with me.

Though this year i only got 1 present, but i'm very happy cos it's from her. I'm so touched by the gift that she gave me ^^

It's nothing expensive, but meaningful to me, at least it is the most meaningful gift i ever received in so many years. Love u...i cannot find any word to describe how i feel. ^^

Art of Life

2009-06-27T22:48:00.003+08:00

A familar title isn't it...

yup...a song title from X Japan, but i gona post it in my way. How i feel about life.

What does a art mean to you? To me it can just be a book with empty pages and you are the artist. You have to paint and write that book to make it into the art of your life.

Regardless of what are written on this book, it cannot be revise, rewrite or edit anytime you want. Once written, it will stay there forever. The reader of this book can be anyone in your life.

The start of the book is different for everyone. How they are born etc etc. But have you ever wonder? What if the first chapter of your book is black, nothing, just only black in colour.

In the world, not much people care what they can do to the chapters that are already written. But rather wanted to write the future chapter and make it happen. Who doesn't want to paint and write the future chapter of their own book, so that they can live better.

They forget one factor, every second, every minutes and every hour that past. They are writing the present chapters and also the future chapters. What people do in the present reflects directly on your future.

Every book have an ending to it. Some might just end even without a proper curtains call, just like Michael Jackson's death. The ending of a book, usually depends on what happen in the main storyline.

This book of life, can have a different ending resoective to the storyline. Just like a sudden turning point in your life that put an ends to every thing. You might be very happy and satisified, but your life maybe ending in the the next second.

Nobody knows what will happen in the future, if you don't know, how can you even narrate the story. Neverless, the book go in flows of chapters. 1 - 20 maybe, you cannot have 1 - 5, then saying that you want to know what will happen from 14 - 20.
It's not possible.

So people need to learn how to write a story that is best for them. Whether knowing or not knowing what how the story will go on and end, as long as you are happy and satisified with your own life.

Typical Day...

2009-06-25T10:16:00.002+08:00

Yup...the title of this post say it all...

Yesterday

Woke up early in the morning at 7a.m, ate my breakfast, report to work. Nothing interesting happened at work too.

After that, meet up with Xiu Qin at Batok interchange, took 945 to the range. Accidently injured my shoulder the day before, it feels better now, should be able to recover by next week if i dun do anything reckless.

I dun want her to worry so much =(

Hmmm, did some training for a hour, as i predicted, it's in a mess after such a long break. I told coach i'll be stopping for awhile until my attachment end.

Went to Mac at Batok interchange, ate 1 set of upsize BIGMAC meal with a apple pie...
Accompany her while waiting for her bus.

That's all for yesterday.

Today
Woke up quite late today, ard 7.15? Ya, should be ard that time. But I dun feel well at all, my body dosen't seems to feel rite. My throat is super dried like desert. I think is because of the overdose for Mac last nite.

I reach the company. My head feels so heavy...i can't concentrate to do anything. @x@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I fell in love with the new song from Linkin Park, New Divide. What's a New Divide...? Refer to Jin Cai or Jeannel Blog. Hahahaha
Am I, too on the verge of madness...? =X

I am mad, madly in love wtih her...wahahaha!!!

GAWD...I NEED TO RECOVER!!! MY THROAT...AHHHHHHHHH~~~

Happy...

2009-06-23T10:34:00.002+08:00

My mood now is happy...hyper and high...hahaha...
guess some of ur know y...hmmm...

I sort of skip the whole day in school, where i suppose to develop my project. But ya...I did went back do my proj and develop the board, just that i did not drill all the micro holes on the board.

After that, went to Sentosa for the amazing race, but but but...i did not join...just went there to accompany Xiu Qin/Jessica and help out with the event.

Had lots of fun, but tiring...i conked out at 11p.m...1st time so early rite...? Wahahaha...

Now I'm back to the company...zzz...so sian when i had to face the computer for 8 hours...AHHHHHHHHH~~~~

I'm still tired, one packet of coffee dosen't seems to do magic and keep me awake for the whole day. Need energy boost!!!

Art Of Life (Live At Tokyo Dome 1993)

2009-06-23T10:11:00.006+08:00

Can't seems to upload the song, I embedded the live video from youtube, consider of 5 parts. Enjoy...wahahahah

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

part 5:

2009-06-21T19:35:00.004+08:00

My favourite songs from X Japan, this song is 30mins long...will try to up load...

Art of life

music & words: yoshiki

Desert Rose, why do you live alone?
If you are sad, I'll make you leave this life.
Are you white, blue or bloody red?
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand.

The winds of time, you knock me to the ground.
I'm dying of thirst, I wanna run away
don't know how to set me free to live.
My mind cries out feeling pain.

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart.
In the pain, I'm waiting for you.
Can't go back, no place to go back to.
Life is lost, flowers fall, if it's a dream, now wake me up.
If it's for real, just kill me.

I'm making the wall inside my heart.
I don't wanna let my emotions get out.
It scares me to look at the world.
Don't wanna find myself lost in your eyes.
I tried to drown my past in grey.
I never wanna feel more pain.
Run away from you without saying any words.
What I don't wanna lose is love.

Through my eyes time goes by like tears.
My emotions losing the colour of life.
Kill my heart, release all my pain, I'm shouting out loud.
Insanity takes hold of me...

Turning away from the wall I can see nothing.
The scream deep inside, reflecting another person in my heart.
All existence you see before you must be wiped out.
Dream, reality, memories, and yourself.

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind.
Nobody can stop my turning to madness.
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart.
Why do you wanna raise these walls?
I don't know the meaning of hatred.
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies.
I only want to hold your love.

Stab the dolls of hate.
Wash yourself with their blood.
Drive into the raging current of time.
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly. "The earth."
Shout and start creating confusion,
shed your blood for pleasure. And what?
For love? What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "now".
Past and future prison my heart.
Time is blind, but I wanna trace my love,
on the walls of time over pain in my heart.
Art of life.
Insane blade stabbing dreams.
Try to break all truth now.
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain.
Cannot start to live,
cannot end my life,
keep on crying.

Close my eyes, time breathes, I hear.
All love and sadness melt in my heart.

Dry my tears, wipe my bloody face.
I wanna feel me living outside my walls.

You can't draw a picture of yesterday so you're painting your heart with your blood.
You can't say no, only turning the wheel of time with a rope around your neck.
You build a wall of morality and take a breath from between the bricks.
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them.
You're trying to commit suicide.
You're satisfied with your prologue, now you're painting your first chapter black.
You are putting the scraps of your life together and trying to make an asylum for yourself.
You're hitting a hell at the edge of the stage and you are trying to kill me.

I believe in the madness called "now".
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself.
Still, I haven't found what I'm looking for.
Art Of Life
I try and stop myself but my heart goes to destroy the truth. Tell me why, I want the meaning of my life.
Do I try to live?
Do I try to love?
In my dream...

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart.
I just wanna let my emotions get out.
Nobody can stop, I'm running to freedom, no matter how you try to hold me in your world.

Like a doll carried by the wall of time.
I sacrificed the present moment for the future.
I was in the chains of memory half blinded.
Losing my heart walking in the sea of dreams.

Close my eyes, rose breathes, I can hear,
All love and sadness melt in my heart.
Dry my tears, wipe my bloody face.
I wanna feel me living my life, outside my mind.

Dreams can make me mad.
I can't leave my dream, I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am, what lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "now".
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself
Still, I haven't found what I'm looking for.

Art Of Life.
I try and stop myself but my heart goes to destroy the truth.
Tell me why, I want the meaning of my life.
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life.
An eternal bleeding heart, you never wanna breathe your last.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A rose is breathing love, in my life...

Honesty....Right....Wrong....

2009-06-21T10:41:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep for the whole night, my sleep just being disrupted, On and Off...

I'm not sure what I did is correct or wrong...I'm just only being honest. But why do I feel so scare what will happen in the near future?

All the thoughts after spelling it out, I suppose to feel lighter on my shoulder, but it seems to get heavier. I dun want to run away anymore, I been thinking for the past few days, and the whole night before I decided what to do. I don't regret after say out all my thoughts but I feel so scare all for the sudden.

Maybe, I shld also give myself more time, I'll not avoid.......

.................

2009-06-20T23:03:00.002+08:00

Yup...hmmmm...went out ard 11a.m to collect my components at bedok, ate lunch...yup...
slack ard until 6+ thn go home...

I was left with some words unspoken...dunno how to say it...or spell it out...

Some thoughts flowing again...I'm scare...

.....con....fused....

2009-06-18T23:19:00.004+08:00

I dunno, I dunno why am I feeling this way, so confused, so frustrated...

My life been perfectly alright...at least on the surface. I been thinking, thinking a lot, i dunno whether i should say it but things kinda change...inconsistency here and there...of course too consistent, others will call you 'No life'

I feel confused, just what the hell had happen??? I'll just keep asking myself this question until someone or something assure me that nothing is wrong. I dun want to keep running away from ALL this problems, I wanted to face it and solve them one by one...I just got to stop screaming for help...no one's able to help me to solve all this problems cos only ONLY me that understand what is going on...

I wanted to space out, but the more I wish, the more thoughts is flowing through my mind...i can't slp neither I can concentrate, these thoughts just struck me from no where even during work and training...

I'm afraid, I wanted to run...but it's not going to help...how am I going to solve all these problems, I'm sure that once all these problem is solved...two scenario will happen...I won't have anymore mental jam...or it will get worst than ever...there won't be such things like...in the middle...

I sometimes dun even know wad am i doing...

ARGH!!! I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELING!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!?

Blog Revamped: Remix

2009-06-18T14:12:00.004+08:00

Stupid photobucket, server overload...

Yup, my old blog skin server is overload for the past few days. Now, I'm using another skin, i hosted myself...

Have alot of trouble editing the HTML codes, totally have no idea how to start with it, so slowly change step by step...and TADA!

After spending one whole hour after my lunch, I finally finished editing it, there's still some stuff i have yet to put up. But will slowly update afterwards.

Hmmm...nothing special happen, just office...except that last sat went to sentosa and cathay for movie.

Need to buck up on training and Jubeat...heh...

PC show 2009...

2009-06-12T09:26:00.003+08:00

I complete my project...WOOT!!! will be going into producing the actual product soon, I left my schematic and actual PCB board routing.

Yesterday

At the school , doing to the schematic, nothing much special happen. After lunch, went back to project room to do my work, pack up at 3. Met up with Jessica. Took bus to bugis

Went to Bugis with her 1st to collect her pay, then to iluma to get something. While on the way we were like shooting each other...OMG LA =.=" and i was the one always being pawned -.-

Took 133 to suntec, yup...it's PC SHOW!!! WAHAHAHAHA
Few things in my to get list
1) Mobile Broadband
2) Earphone
3) DVI cable

I felt so cheated by M1, i went to the booth which is so freaking big, but most of the promoter is stoning...ok...nvm, so i approach the staff ask them whether the 50% discount is applicable to the 6 months contract, they said yes...so i happily went to the registration counter to get my queue number and wait for my turn to apply...(waiting in progress...)

I proceed to the counter where my queue number is called and they told me the 50% is ONLY ONLY ONLY applicable to the 24MONTHS CONTRACT!!! GOD DAMN IT...=.=

I was really sian...zzz...zzz...zzz

Hmmm...i also got a creative Ep630 and a DVI cable...
the EP 630 is sweet, nice bass and nice quality. I would get a sennhiser if i have $$$, it cost a freaking $140 for a average one...

DVI cable, 1.5m, to save me the trouble of switching the VGA cable of my Xbox 360 to my desktop and vice versa...

Eh...after that, went to bugis to do some window shopping...yup...went to the arcade, Jessica like so stun when she see me play jubeat, saying my hands is very fast...LOL...just wait till she see Kurobe and Chaserz play...i'm nothing compare to them...

Went to pets lover centre too, the hamster is kyote >.< sleeping soundly in their cage...extreme kyoteness...haha

Went to kinokuniya too, the one at bugis like nothing much, no particular title i want..so just look ard...

Hmmm...that's all...

Blog revamped

2009-06-09T09:20:00.000+08:00

Got bored last night, so i decided to revamp my blog...found this template on the web...yup...play with some HTML code also...change the player skin. The ninja look kyote. Add a widgets, quote of the day...yup...nth much...the regular stuff...tag box...
I'm too lazy to relink ppl...so only a few of them...haha...

You Give Me Something

2009-06-08T10:14:00.004+08:00

[You Give Me Something]

by James Morrison

You only stay with me in the morning

You only hold me when I sleep

I was meant to tread the water

But now I’ve gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you

Another piece backs away

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours

Just to spend a little time alone with me

And I can say I’ve never bought you flowers

I can’t work out what they mean

I never thought that I’d love someone

That was someone else’s dream

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late

And the words that I could never say

Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

Like this song alot...trying to get it up on my blog now...taking ages to upload in the company...

Untitle

2009-06-08T09:50:00.002+08:00

Eh...i run out of idea for title (limited vocab)...

Anyway...been very bored for the past weekend..yup...

Saturday

Woke up super early like 7.30a.m, went to school, did some stuff for my attachment. Meet up with Jessica and her friend...Cynthia, if i remember correctly. Went to the market at bukit timah and eat, ya...and the usual things happen...i was *bang* by Jessica again...-.-

Yup, after that after breakfast, went to the range with Jessica, train for 2 hours...erm...it sucks, maybe due to the inconsistent training over the past 3 months, the grip on HomeTeam LP2 is seriously too small for my hand.

Met 2 new people, Cynthia and Shawn...friendly, and easy people to chat with.

Hmmm...after that went to IMM and eat lunch, walk to the MRT station, while i 'melt' under the hot sun. Went to silvery note and bukit batok, found 2nd title, Assassin Creed @ $25...just bought it and went home and enjoy the silence while playing my game...no one's at home...

I played for like 20mins...my eyes gave up on me, went to sleep until 7p.m...woke up, dinner, played game again...then watch 'Heroes'. Chat a bit on MSN and went to sleep.

Sunday

Woke up around 10.30a.m, breakfast, game, game game and game...i realise i turned in to a full fledged gamer during the weekends...haha...

Did nothing the whole day except gaming on my Xbox...Guitar Hero, Assassin Creed, Ninja Gaiden and erm...I completed prince of Persia...haha.

Eh...pretty bored in the night, cos everyone was busy resting and preparing their common tests...except me who is on attachment have the luxury of time...

GOSH...having Monday blues...zzz...can i have a cup of coffee~~~

..................

2009-06-05T10:34:00.003+08:00

I don't know what title to put for this post...

I can't seems to concentrate on my work now, with so many thoughts flowing...
Recently, some kind of feelings came back to me, i'm not sure why i feeling like this again?
I don't want to get emotional because of all this thoughts and feelings, because it definately will affect my life, at this moment and at this important stage of my life.

I don't feel like expressing how am i feeling right now, how i felt now, there's other party involve. And i'm not really sure whether is it that kind of feeling.

It's been long since i felt like this, all this thoughts it's mixing up, making me confused....

What worst is i cannot express my feeling to anyone...i have to keep it to myself, god knows what will happen if i say it all out? And am I ready to express all my thoughts and feelings...??? I don't know and i don't want to know YET!

Random...

2009-06-04T09:59:00.001+08:00

OMG, I'M DAMN BORED NOW!!!!

ROT, ROT & ROT!!!!

ARGH!!!

Crossroad

2009-06-03T11:25:00.003+08:00

Another due post...

In my previous post i mention that i been thinking a lot, this is another part of my thoughts...

Around 2 and half years or 3 years back...i made the decision for my education life, my parent did not say much, they respect my choice. I gave up the choice to take A level and went to polytechnic to study engineering instead.

At that moment, i think that if I'm able to score well, i can get into a local govt university. It's much more cheaper and not that taxing to my family, after all, i still have a younger brother who is still pursing his education.

After 1 and half year past, my decision still remain the same, getting into a local govt university, but other than my family, another reason i want to pursue further education is SG is because of the AWC (Air Weapon Club) in NTU and NUS. I wanted to get into NUS, i believe i'm able to do it. Even though it's not as easy compared to NTU...

AWC doesn't really matters so much to me, just that it can ease my expenses on training and able to improve more, but it won't really matter, i still have hometeam membership to continue shooting. And i definitely i won't stop that's the least i can see.

But i been hitted on a crossroad, i saw another path in my life, which is, stepping into the society after i ended my polytechnic education and National Service. I wanted to keep pursuing education in the field of engineering, but i somehow got tired of it. I'm not sure even that I'm able to survive in university in engineering course especially EEE, a course with the highest dropout rate.

Looking at my current attachment, engineering is not as simple as i always thought to be, it's much more complex, it just seems like a field from another universe, nothing similar like what i studied in the past 4 semester. No doubt that i learned more than what i suppose to learn in school but this is just something like first 2 semester of university and i barely able to cope with it.

I suddenly remember someone told me that engineering should not be pursued in polytechnic level, now I'm able to understand that but why SG polytechnics still have so many engineering course. What the course cover in 3 years of polytechnic level engineering is only first few weeks of university, then what is the point? Moreover, getting a distinction for the diploma doesn't get you near anywhere near the average in university.

I don't want to disappoint my parent for not going into university, they did not say it to me but i know somewhere deep in their heart, they want the best of me. And me myself wanted to pursue further education. I don't want to make the wrong decision and regret for the rest of my life.

Getting a university degree doesn't help you to get a job easily after you graduate, there are a lot of teenagers out there holding a degree but unable to get employed by companies. Companies want talent with experience not with result. How much advantage i can get in doing attachment now then getting a job with a degree? I don't know...

My life, My Soul....

2009-06-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

Ya...the title of this post...is the new title of this blog...

A certain kind of feeling came back to me recently...i been constantly asking myself...have i...fallen...into tat trap...I dunno and I dun want to know YET...

I haven been having this kind of feeling for quite awhile...ever since 2 years ago...the exact same kind of feeling...ARGH!!!!

Life and Soul are linked...there is no say whether which one is controlling which one...
If a person soul is sold to a devil...his life is screwed...but if he remains saint...he will leave a good life. At least that's what normally people believe in...

Am I controlling my soul...? I dunno...i know some times i went out of control, realising what i done wrong after something happen...and keep apologising...i felt stupid, not becos of the 'sorry' that came out from my mouth, but becos why i did not realise what i did is wrong earlier...???

Am I not mature enuf...or just my self discipline???

Then is my life is i control...? I cannot say fully 100% but at least...nothing much went wrong...just normal...too normal and too clam...that's wad I'm worry about...if something happen now...I'll be screwed, everything will just go hay-wired, I'll just lost control of everything...at least that's how i see it...

I'm thinking a lot for these few days...all these tots just flow in.......................

Life, friends, $$$

2009-05-27T09:49:00.006+08:00

EHHH...a lot of them suggested that i should update more...so ya...ERM...shouldn't be blogging in my office...haha...but who cares as long as my boss doesn't c it...=P

Ya...a random tot when i was researching my project...how much have i learn in 2 years of my poly life? While i was looking through all the data sheets from my attachment project, i realise tat...nth much...in fact, i gain all my knowledge in these few months during my attachment compare to wad i have been studying in 2 years of school.

True that I'm forced to learn in these past 3 months, but y only now i then realise this? Not that i had not shown any results in the past 4 semester in school...seriously speaking...i dunno...

NPSC and Shooting is part of my life now...i dunno how I'll survive without either one of them...all my close friends in poly, i knew them through this CCA, not tat i dun have other friends but...people i can talk to...most of them are from NPSC and Shooting...

Met alot of new friends this year, hmmm...Jing Xiang, Jeannel...most of the them from the range. NPSC campers and some of those who took the basic course, Jubeat people...my contacts going sky high recently...haha...

Even after work everyday, i wanted to go down to the range take a look at their trainings and other stuff...i can no longer pull myself out from this club.

Hmmm...training wise...I'm just too tired to train in these few days...example last night...i can barely see my sight...-.-

Also, been very very very broke this month, the stupid attachment pay is soooo little...even lesser than my usual pocket $$$...wonder how am i going to survive...haiz...

I got this super random question from my mum the other day morning when I'm having breakfast with her...she asked me whether i have a girlfriend or some1 in mind or not...I'm so stunned when she ask that question...haha...

My instant reaction is like...NO!!! LOL...anyway...i knew wad she wants to tell me...like focusing on my study 1st...blar blar blar...i think i will suffer from more nagging...cos i will be going home after 8p.m everyday...not tat i like it...but i got no choice...

A SATURDAY LIFE~~~

2009-05-23T23:59:00.003+08:00

1st thing 1st...i gona be dumb...cos some1 keep pushing my head for the whole day...=.=

Hmmm...woke up early in the morning at 10.30a.m =P haha, got changes, ate by brunch and went straight to home team to train...
Well...training today isn't good...not efficiency at all...i forgot alot of things during training, trigger daring...my weakness....need to improve on that area...
So ya...i left the range at 1, went to meet my friend to buy something at bugis, and i got 'aeroplaned' halfway thru...at Virtual Land =.=" (U BETTER WATCH OUT!!!)
So ya...i 'nuah' ard bugis until 4p.m while waiting for Jessica to end her work...bugis is really boring!!! Haha...

Yup...met Jessica after tat, went to city hall to meet the rest of the 'Awesome' group members, though Yi Zhen cannot make it...some1 is kinda disappointed...haha...

When we reached there, they were saying like go lan game...i was stunned...cos i dunno any lan gaming...not even Dota...-.-

We check the bowling price...but it's too expensive...we whn to play pool instead, played for an hour...

AND...THE SAME THING HAPPENS WHEN I GO OUT WITH THE REST!!! WE DUNNO WAD TO HAVE TO DINNER...took quite awhile to decided to eat at kenny rogers...and took quite awhile on wad to order at kenny rogers...yup...basically the rest of the group members is full of crap -.-, especially shamus and daniel...

So ya...while waiting for our last dish (the Muffins), we played alot of games...though alot of ppl are waiting for seats...but...who cares...wahahaha...

Hmmm...after than they went to play L4D, me and Jessica just sat there and watch them play...and we were like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Jessica and me, went off ard 9p.m and both of us slowly walk from park lane to Cityhall...hahaha...in the end we took ard 1 hr to reach city hall...haha
Reach home ard 11....so ya...tat's all for today...

Revived...

2009-05-21T15:23:00.002+08:00

I'M BACK!!! HAHAHAH!!!

yup, this is wad i want to tell everyone...i can handle my work, my attachment, everything works perfectly fine for me now...i'm stress free now...=D

After resting for 2 weeks from training, i went back, i found myself shoot better than 1 or 2 months backed...the lines draw closer to CAT B...I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!!!
Coach gave me something new to do for training...yup...but gona be tough.
However, I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!!

Last week was the camp, get to meet alot of new guys and gals...had alot of fun, at least i see that the campers enjoyed themself. Even though after that i'm literaly dead...but happy to see that the camp is a success.
Btw for the camp, i accidently smear the toothpaste to Jessica eyes...sorry for tat...

Well, i hope that my mind will keep away from those stray tots...and able to control them...preventing those tots surfacing again.

That's all for my post today...

---------END OF POST-----------

GUITAR HERO!!!

2009-05-09T22:22:00.006+08:00

YAY!!! FINALLY GOT MY GUITAR HERO WORLD TOUR WITH GUITAR + METALLICA PACKAGE IS HERE!!! WAHAHAHA

this is how it look like whn it arrive... =D

*showoff unpackaging* =p

inside the package... with the game

the body, customizable faceplate...can remove and change de wor~~~

fred board...yup, it's detachable...

the slider neck...for u to nail intense solo...WOOT!!! a lot of new function too...

after connecting the fred board to the body...look cool rite...wahahah...

World Tour: inside the case....dun really like the songs in there except a few from Linkin Park and Eagle

Metallica: inside the case...so nice~~

I played a few games, okay...in fact the whole day...i able to manage medium level songs...as a bass player... *genius*

nth much to say...

Overload

2009-03-26T20:34:00.003+08:00

Yea, i know been a long long time since i update my blog.

Really been busy with work, exams, blar blar blar...really got nth much to write. been dealing same thing everyday.

1 thing still remains the same...my pocket is forever $0...T_T
haiz...

THE END (FULL STOP)

Confusion...

2009-02-18T21:20:00.003+08:00

Everything started today...with a phone call i got from school...and all the thoughts just flow in as if the dam in my mind is broken...

Is regarding abt my attachment, I'm being rejected by that company i being attached to, it's DSO LAB...DEFENCE SCIENCE ORGANISATION LABORTORIES OF SINGAPORE...though i had another chance to go for attachment, but going through an interview and the words CHANCE speak for everything...

Alot of things just flow into my mind...izzt me or just the economy tat affect my attachment...? I DUN KNOW...and I DUN WANT TO KNOW EITHER...hoping tat is won't worsen my mind condition...

I know that no one in this world is perfect but cracking this kind of joke with me...? HA...that's the worst tat i predicted and I doesn't want it to happen. WHO WOULD WANT THIS KIND OF THINGS TO HAPPEN TO U...maybe the choice of getting into Aerospace Electronics isn't a good idea in the 1st place, knowingly that competitions for things like this would be very fierce and tough.

And maybe it just only my naive and stupidity all the time hoping i could achieve something, but it just always goes wrong...nothing seems right for me now, not in everything i do

Alot of 'what if' is flowing through, what if i cannot get the place, what if i had to repeat 1 more semester for just only the attachment? I dun know...and i also been wondering y? Though my result isn't as great but wad abt my commitment to my sch...? My Club...? The way i manage my own time?

Not only that, unable to focus...even whn i'm working, eating listening to music..nothing just get into my head...i just lost all my mood for everything...forcing myself to laugh ard my friends, trying to think of Jubeat...but the tot just keep flowing.

In 2 years of poly...am i really slacking down too much...? Lost all my drive to do everything...maybe that cause wad happen today..having regrets can't do anything much...but maybe i just put down all the tings tat is extra for me or take up most of my time, so that i'm able to focus on my attachment...

The thought to stop shooting even pop out of no where, same here just my naive tat i'm able to excel in sports which i had not done so in my 18 years of life. Prehaps i should just stick to studying instead. Maybe i should just stick to my old life, being a lone wolf...staring ppl at high place...lonely and cold me...the robot i am before...

WHAT IS THIS...?????? CRACKING JOKE WITH MY LIFE...? HAHAHAHAHHAAAAHA

Life

2009-02-01T20:28:00.002+08:00

I been slacking alot after CNY, k, erm...only went to school on friday, from 8a.m onwards...do project, lecture and practical session...so yup...chiong to the range ard 5+, went into the room to help Jeannel with her work...thn she went off at ard 6+, went to hav dinner at prata there, DARYL suddenly sit infront of me...tok alot...haha.

On sat, woke up like ard 8+, Meet Jie Hui at JE ard 10a.m, she pass me hte card for Kino and borders thn walk to IMM and ate some breakfast at Mac...thn go Ah Xiang house...whn i reach Xiang brother is going out, yup say hello to him and went in. Saw Jeannel playing some facebook games...slack and c her and played audition for a while. While at Xiang house, we were like trying to decided where to go eat for our lunch..actually we been deciding where to eat since friday onwards, the sequence goes like tat 1st jeannel suggested to cook lunch, thn Xiang say no ingredient, so decided to go out to hav our lunch at Burger King, I tink we use like 1 day to decide where to have our lunch...
hmm...k...erm while eating, Jeannel say something like 'Xiang u r sick, dun eat too much...' thn she took his fries and eat...i gave her mine too, cos i had Mac in the morning, a double petit 1...so i can't eat much...ya...Jeannel...not trying to make u like a pig or garfield...hahah

Walked to safra for SSA monthly shoot, Jeannel and me fell asleep while waiting for our detail, so poor Mata hav to be guard for our stuff...so draw my gun, the shoot ish BAD, dun know wad the hell am i doing, talk to coach abt my shoot...well i tink i need to overcome my mental problem for now... :]

After the shoot, we went to orchard, Kinokuniya, Jeannel got her Book, The Umbrella Academy, tink she had be looking for it for quite while, so went ard there...and i bought some books also,,okay..maybe u won't believe this...we spend total of $150 with 20% discount...haha
(WHILE WAITING FOR TAT PIECE OF GOLD)
Went to cine, play some arcarde game, thn whn Xiang say he going off, we decided to like go to Toa Payoh to play Jubeat there...we play till like ard 9+ thn he reach...-.-
Finally we had our dinner at some food court and walk her home, thn go home...

TODAY
Slept till ard 10a.m, wash up, breakfast and went out ard 12p.m, took bus to yishun, whn i reach Yishun, i had KFC for lunch, Jeannel came to look for me, bought Pie from Pie Kai for Xiang and ourselves, Reach safra early and slack ard...so Jeannel prepare for her details, we help her out...thn watch her shoot, cab home with her, thn i went to play Jubeat, but there too many ppl, so too 157 all the way to west mall. Eat subway (yes...again i know...fastfood), bought Polar Apple strudel...and there goes my post *CLICK*

CNY celebration

2009-01-27T23:57:00.002+08:00

okay...CNY ends..just in a blink...yar...enjoyed so much, especially this year..becos of my friends :)

CNY EVE
had reunion dinner at home, ate alot...after tat sit in front of my com ROT, this time was chatting on skype with Jeannel, JC and JX (though he is not speaking much), ya...we were on skype for 6hrs, sing song, chat, suan ppl...xD, i went off at ard 3a.m and slpt, also ask jeannel to wake me up in the morning so tat iwon't over slpt too much.

1st day of CNY
Jeannel woke me up, at 9a.m, whn i ans the call, i was like 'huh...so early!?' hahaha, anyway thanks for waking me up... =D
Rot at com for 2 hrs plus, while rotting, ordered KFC for my family...it's our lunch. :D so after eating, i bath...dress up for CNY cos i going on to my adventure to collect ANG BAO!!!
Okay, this year my dad decided not to drive, so we took public transport to my grandma hse at boon lay. it took us ard an hour to reach there...so whn we reach, i was like WTH...there isn't any1 there yet. So i'll hav to wait for my clique of cousin to come, we decided to watch movie like every year we did, my cousin already book the ticket at GV MAX...okay so i was technically rotting until ard 5p.m thn tat's where my cousinS reach. Chat and take abit of photos, had light dinner at my grandma house also.
We left ard 6.30p.m, sit at the back of my uncle van, and he drove us to vivo...so whn we reach there brought some popcorns combo and went into the theatre, the movie The Love Matters, it's quite okay. I won't say much on the details, cos dun 1 to spoil ppl.
Okay, after the movie, my uncle to decided go Jalan Kayu there to hav PRATA!!! yar...but sadded, its too crowed, so went to RY hse, to decided to order wad...? PIZZA all already not in service at tat hr which is like 12a.m? hahah
Anyway we had Mac played indian with my aunts for awhile, reach home ard 2a.m thn sleep...

DAY 2: Adventure to Friends House
Okay, woke up quite early, went to dad friends house, thn after tat just cross over a street to Jeannel house, so i reach her house at 10.30a.m...she say i'm too early...lol
K...rot at her house until JX and JC came, so we rot there for a little while, watch abit of CJ7 on cable TV.
After tat...JC drive us to my house, so we play cards for a litte while, thn play my computer for a while, eat the bee hoon mum fried and some nuggets...thn went off to JX hse ard 2:45p.m and poor JX...he need to record down where he goes at wad time...
Whn we reach JX house, there is no1 there, so we just sat there rot, took photos, so we just sat there awhile.
So we left JC for awhile, so we went to north point Mac cafe, drink some coffee there and went to JX hse AGAIN...haha..this time his families member is ard, her mum is sooo...warm and welcoming...keep feeding me and Jeannel with CNY goodies and her parent keep insisting us to stay for dinner with them, but we going to JC hse.
Last and final visiting stop, JC house, we took 804 from somewhere near JX hse then to Jc hse, yes...the 1 step into his house compound, my 1st impression was "OMG...is this a resort or a condo!', anyway ate dinner at his house, both me and jeannel had ate alot today, we were so bloated, thn before i told JC mum for lesser serving their serving was HUGE...and JC serving is twice as us, but he said he has no appitate =.=
Went up for his room, watch TV, abit of whose line and chat, wad, wanted to play cards, so JC say, let's go to the roof top, so when he switch on the light...there is a sudden out break of bloodworms...so he is patting and smacking the wall to kill the bloodworms...me and jeannel were like...okay tat looks kinda familiar in CJ7 where steven chow and his son try to kill the cockroaches and compete who can kill more...we were laughing till we drop...hahaha
so went back to his room slack...and went off at ard 9.30p.m and send Jeannel Home,
Something funny happen, while i was walking out from the blk Jeannel was walking, i'm on my earphone and ppl who know me well the kind of music and superb volume, a driver driving a mazda 6, horned me 2 times, i didn't heard the 1st horn, so the 2nd 1 i heard it...i tot i was crossing the road too slowm so i ran across...thn tat car followed me...i wos wondering, tot he is turning in...how come he follow behind me, i received a call from Feng..."EH...KNS, HORN U 2 TIME NVR C ME", thn i look into tat mazda..my reaction was like.."OH..U AR...HAHAHAHA", and this is how i got my free ride home from TP...

Concludsion: had very fun CNY this year, though i'm super tired in these 2 days but i really enjoy alot with my friends...thx all =D, now getting ready for SAT BBQ and SSA MTHLY SHOOT!

AND JC, ME AND JEANNEL IS FEELING HUNGRY!!! (ROAR!!!)

UPDATE

2009-01-24T20:48:00.002+08:00

okay okay...i update...cos tat garfield tag me to update my blog...

Hmm...let me recall wad am i doing for the past 2 weeks...bascially...nth much...go sch then training after school, hang out with tat piece of gold and garfield, Max really bz with his work, AH Xiang in camp. Ya...my life is still as boring as always.

OH...for your info...who's garfield...i tink some of ur may know who izzt...or rather the reader of this blog knows it :P

Okay...here's what happen that she get the garfield nickname...hmmm...let us all imagine what kind of impression garfield give ppl...eat alot, sleep alot...super lazy, though she is not as lazy as garfield...but...tat's the nickname i gave it to her...

basically...i brought some (quite alot actually) pineapple tarts, almond cookies and some CNY tibits that taste like love letter me and my mum made...so i brought all those and put in the pantry on this tuesday, then after tat went to Jurong Point to meet golden, meet Jeannel at the JE platform...ya...so golden went to buy his pair of jeans and shop ard JP...thn went to the range.

Went we are at the range, i told them i brought some food, it's in the pantry. so they took some and eat, after awhile they ate AGAIN thn AGAIN...till it left a few pieces for the coaches in the nite =.=

SO i just say...jeannel...i tink u can officially become gafield liao..cos my CNY stuff was cleared by u...so...after a few days...i went to the range, thursday...i went into the pantry, i saw the almond cookies and tat love letter thing left less than half a tin...and Jeannel took the whole tin and sit at the firing line to eat while watching her SCATT.

So tat's the story she become garfield...MUAHAHAHA...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rest of the days is like boring like hell, do work, rot in front of my computer, thinking about some stuff (well, i should not say wad it is)...then been sleeping for 4 -6 hrs per day for this 2 week only...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Accompany Ah Xiang to hav dinner at swensen's last sunday, after tat took train to cityhall, walk to suntec, the north face galleria cos golden buy his shoe (Cost $166, rich kid :P) also same ting shop ard suntec, went to crystal jade to have supper, then go home...

SCREW

2009-01-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Woke up like 8.15a.m today...dun really feel like waking up 1...but got mthly shoot

Reason being tired: DEBATE WITH JIN CAI...till 2a.m in the morning with Jeannel..and he is trying to be a saint...

Well...the shoot today is totally screwed...i shot a 77 in my 1st series...y...i got into some mental jam...after my 1st series...Coach called me out...help me to cool down...after that...i slowly recover back to my normal training standard. Well at least i learn sometings today... =D

After i finished...all WAIT for the same old person...GOLDEN...TA-DA~ chat slack...and after the nasi lemak and prize giving...went to buy drinks...with the voucher Max won...(cannot clear uncle fridge today).

While eating...coach ask me to consider to get a grip..thn use with HTNS LP2...my training expense is going up liao...haiz...

Boss... my coach issue us some work to do...for TNS...along with Lishuang, Golden and Jeannel...after tat...hmmm...went to eat parta...yar...had 4 plain 1...with milo dinosaur... :D
blardie full...went home slp until 7p.m...eat dinner...rot in front of com again...and trying to get the beta version of windows 7...

Routine

2009-01-06T23:12:00.001+08:00

2ND day of sch new term...like i had been waiting for sch to reopen after 3 weeks of holidays...
But i step into the hell zone after sch reopen...Projects, Labtest...even EXAM nxt mth...i dun need to celebrate CNY liao...with the kind of assignment i get...haiz...

Though had lots of fun during these few days...Hometeam BBQ (details: refer to Jeannel blog =D ), and went out with AH ~Xiang yesterday along with Golden and Jeannel...
1) I waited for AH ~Xiang and jeannel at NP bus stop for like 20 mins...went to atrium to find Golden
2) Went to mambo billards...and yea...Golden Pull off alot jump ball trick...jump as in Jump outside the pool table...LOL
3) After tat we ask AH ~Xiang to decide where to eat...so we went toNovena Fish & CO. Yea...the food quantity is super large...till i suffer from indigestion. x)
4) Went home...but whn on the way home...it sux...Train spoil...wake me up from my LALA land...wait for another train for like 10mins
5) Finally reach home
(For more Details...pls refer to jeannel blog again... xD )

After sch start...i went back to my same old routine last term...whn sch in the morning...go range for training...go home...do work and sleep...and repeat the same thing again for nxt day...

Training today we drag till 8p.m thn we start...but not really serious...cos i'm too tired...While we were shooting...Jeannel waited for us to end..(feel abit bad sia...letting a girl to for us for so long). Thn walk to the train station...i waited for my friends...but in the end i went home instead...cos all say dun want to eat prata...LOL

P.S Jeannel...sorry hah.. keep linking to ur blog...cos ur blog really super detailed...hahaha

2009

2009-01-02T01:47:00.001+08:00

New Year 2009...gone through so much during last year...

But hope this year will be a better year with my IAP(March 2009) and everything... =D
When to friend house and celebrate New Year and stay over there for 1 night...had BBQ, Bowling, Mahjong...ETC...after that went back home...*CONK* on my bed cos didn't really sleep much...

Dun really have any new year resolutions this year...maybe only to keep my engine running...dun lose my drive in what ever thing i'm doing or planning to do. (Too Many things in fact...)

This week is super packed for new year celebration...my throat gona blow soon after having 3 -4 BBQ in a week...super rite...hahaha

After New year...sch gona to start...and that's where the most stress part will come in...CT result cos is F***ing screw up...Think i'll fail a paper...bad start for 2009 man....haiz :(

And oh...btw...i'm now going to declare bankruptcy soon if i dun find a job...still own my friend $50 lorz...

$_$ $_$ $_$ $_$ $_$ $_$

Stress Management

2008-11-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

CT CT CT CT & CT...

Guess this will be the two letters that most poly students will see in this 2 week, and oh gosh...mine CT is in 1 - 2 weeks time...OMG...why...? Cos i haven even prepare yet, maybe somewhere in myself tell me not to even bother abt it...

Let me see, i got 4 paper, Avionics System, Flight Theory, MPI & DCNT...

Flight theory seems quite simple before...but not now...COS BLARDIE ECE CHANGE THE PAPER TO CLOSE BOOK TEST...*DANG*

okay, next, Avionics System...A full multiple choice questions paper...i dun like it...cos I'm always lousy at multiple choice.

MPI: WORST OF ALL PAPER IN THE 4 MODULE, yea...even though it's all on programming...but it's a mixture of DEL...GOD KNOWS HOW I WILL SCORE FOR THIS PAPER...

DCNT: YA YA...the same kind of paper as last semester...Telecommunication...Wavefore here and there...y not the last few chaps...so interesting...filled with Internet-working stuff like...IP, UTP, HTML and DNS...

okay...holidays...after the CTs...feel like that is soooooooo much things to get it done...especially my training and ______ (fill in the blanks by myself).

No more trouble for I&E, AGM and clubs...feel like a big big responsibility is bring down from my shoulder...*phew* But...i still got other plans for the club...heh heh.

I need $$$ and Time now...i just hope tat there will be 48hrs a day...so tat i can work on sitex this week + studying and training.. =D

*note: Today training sucks...*BOO*

UNLUCKY

2008-11-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

Dun know y leh...hav been damn unlucky recently...

too many tings happened in a short period of time...in fact too many to explain...got no mood to do anytings...

and HOLY...TML IS MTHLY SHOOT...jia lat.

some conversation today remind me of ___

these tots just keep repeating and repeating...i keep saying tat same ting to myself... hav i really totally forgetten...? or just buried somewhere deep inside my heart...

I dun know...and i nvr 1 to to know...

some of my friends say...i been too focusing on my work recently and i nvr notice any ting beside me...maybe to them i am too busy...

to myself...maybe i been subconsciously to numb myself from other tots...turning myself into a work machine...make myself to escape from the reality...trying not to be a fallen again...
I confuse inside...especially ___. But now...i just want to focus on my work...trying to be saint...

SAINT TRAINING IN PROGRESS...

[Art of Life]
I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart.
In the pain, I'm waiting for you.
Can't go back, no place to go back to.
Life is lost, flowers fall, if it's a dream, now wake me up.
If it's for real, just kill me.

I'm making the wall inside my heart.
I don't wanna let my emotions get out.
It scares me to look at the world.
Don't wanna find myself lost in your eyes.
I tried to drown my past in grey.
I never wanna feel more pain.
Run away from you without saying any words.
What I don't wanna lose is love.

Through my eyes time goes by like tears.
My emotions losing the colour of life.
Kill my heart, release all my pain, I'm shouting out loud.
Insanity takes hold of me...

[Art of Life]

BROKE

2008-11-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

WAH...SO LOONNGGG I HAD NOT BLOG...LOL

It's been like after 1 freaking mth for not touching my own blog...? Just too bz with school stuff, committee and SHOOTING...

YEA...I HIT 533 last mth...i just need 7 pts more to hit a 540...and maintain it...
I need more training this coming week...COS MTHLY SHOOT IS NXT SUN...OMG...so fast...LOL

And wad tat means...i have to pay 12bucks for training and 5 freaking dollars for the mthly shoot...and i will be like spending...1/3 of my pocket money on tis coming week...

Been doing nth since yesterday...yes...i dun know y...but seems tat the 'FUN' part of AE still not starting...or just tat i'm focusing too much on other tings...

Nothing is running through my head now except wanting to get myself more hype up and drive to do tings...and seems tat somehow i lost interest in many tings in my life...perhaps it's my financial status...tat affect me...

eversince the hols...just keep on tinking...$$$$$$$$$$$$....how to earn more $ to keep my life as usual..but in the end...i SCREW UP...hahaha...

No great music, no great movies...life in SG is getting more and more boring for me...there is nth except food in SG...and everyting else...the requirement for u is : LOADED WITH $$$

Wad else i need in my life now...? seems tat i got all my needs except $$$...for WANT...I GOT ALOT...to many to list out in fact...

I'm dying to get some entertainment with my friends...but at most we can do is..movies, pool-ing, EAT and Mahjong...c...SG ENTERTAINMENT IS LIMITED...
I GOT SUGGESTION FROM OTHERS...but...i want it to be FREE...no need to pay a penny to enjoy myself...is there even such ting in SG...?

ANY1 out there want to sponsor me... MY EXPENSES...perharps...some1 who can print notes 1... :P
wahahahahahha...

Thoughts REMIXED

2008-09-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

I am tinking again...yes...i know i shouldn't...but these tots just keep coming to me...no matter how i try to shake it off...it wun...

My friend called me the other day...remind me of something i dun 1 to remember...i know i'm running away from reality...but it's someting that is buried deep inside me heart...and just when i tot that no1 can dig out again...
IT happens...

I'm just wondering...does every human being is always expose to these kind of pressure...trying very hard to forget someting...but it just will not come off the mind...

I realise that things that u can forget easily is just sometings that dun make a impact on your life or someting that dosen't have a meaning to u...
However the opposite will happen to u if that someting is so important that it even change ur life or the way people look at you...for the worst...it will leave a deep scar in ur heart...living on with these scars...as long as you are alive...u would not forget the events...

Is there really a way to be a saint...but...does a saint dun have tinking like a normal human...?

(Blogging while designing the cash voucher for the club...headache using flash CS3...)

getting back

2008-09-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

Just when i tot i am refreshed...i realize that not been very productive recently...not in shooting, not in work, not in many things...

Today...it's just really not my day...i got so many things in my mind right now...but i just can't spell it out in words...not a single word...

I am just like a super busy man today...Cityhall in the morning, School in the noon then Range for training in the afternoon...Dinner near my house, after that met my friends to pass him somethings ...reach home ard 11p.m. *Phew*

And...i wasn't really myself today either...dun speak much...sort of EMO today...dun know y...maybe i am just too tired to say anything...or i just feel too restless...i want to slp...to forget everything...

Sometimes i just really want to sleep through out the whole day to forget everything...including myself...but i know...i can't do that...

I really wonder...how perfect can i be...? Yes...i know...even superheros need a break...but what are the things that can refresh me mentally...? I am not like any other superheros in Marvel or DC. I am just a normal guy wanting to have some normal life...sometimes i really envy those who are so carefree all the time...

Ya...i know...being too carefree all the time it's not good...but human do need sometimes to destress/relax...or else...u will end up being crazy...

With the things i had in mind now...playing games, surfing net, listening to music, watching movies, sleeping..can't help shaking all those things off my mind...i may even end up bring paranoid...hahaha...

So of my friends envy me...saying that i almost have every thing for my current life...but...if that's really the case...i won't be posting this right now...having almost everything does not mean hav EVERYTHING...but the thing i does not have right now...it's also the most important thing i need now...

I just can't help shaking off the thirst for the things i earn now...it's not some things that can be describe using words...i really wonder...it's there anything i can do to pull myself back...? I won't fall but...i want to get back to my old self ASAP...

REFRESHED

2008-09-01T19:38:00.000+08:00

HIIII ALLL...it's been quite long ever since i last updated my blog...

Just finish my NIKE+ human race yesterday...and I'm super tired now...yesterday feast seems not enough for me...i WANT MORE !!!
I tink i should spam junk food soon... :P

Nothing special happens today...and as always...normal and boring...since i can't find any job...i tink i gona rot at home everyday again...ARGH....I HATE TO ROT...

Hmm...been tinking about her recently...confused...wad should i do...? Tell her about how i feel abt her...or just remain silence...? I GOT no idea...!!! Maybe...it's just that i dun have to courage to tell her...and sub-consciously...i been avoiding that topic when she is around...or act as if i dun care about her... i dun like this kind of feeling...i feel like as if i am destroying myself, my heart... I tried opening my mouth...but it feel as if i should not say it or it's not the right time for this topic...

I really wish to be together with her...
keep her accompany all the time...cheer her up when she is sad...show my concern to her... shower her with love...

I dun have the courage to tell her
I dun have the courage to face wad is gona happen if she dun accept me
I dun have the courage to face wad will happen to our friendship...will she hate me after that...?

I really dun know...can any1 tell me wad to do...?

YAY...

2008-08-22T00:07:00.000+08:00

Finally...exam over...

Today ACDA was 1 hell of paper...few of the question that came out...none of us have come across it in the past year paper...so...ALL BUANG/CHUI/HOLY....

ya...after the exam...i am still jobless and as always bored...no games in this world keep me playing everyday...not even my favourite Final Fantasy series

Oh...and also not forgeting Nike+ next sunday...10Km...erm...i tink i gona take 1.5hrs...LOL
ya...but actually after that...the very 1st ting 1 want to do is...EAT JUNK FOOD LIKE "TOOT"...been controlling my diet for like the pass 2 months...never touch junk food, fried food and even tibits...

And i going to start training for AP again...going to hit the target i set...though i dun hav any idea how am i going to achieve that...:P

THOUGHTS

2008-08-04T20:51:00.000+08:00

Hmm...been thinking alot lately...

My life, my study, my holidays and my shooting

It's been like...almost 1 and 1/2 years since i enter poly, studying in ECE and just get posted to Aerospace electronics, someone told me something that make me think so much for these few days.

2 years ago, i started thinking about my own life, that was seriously stressful enough for a secondary student especially for a sec 4 student who is preparing for his 'O' level. I started off think what kind of path i should follow in the future; Polytechnic or work hard for JC. But what stressful for me is, being born in this kind of elite family, my result is constantly compared with how my cousin did in the past. I am really sick of that kind of stress that my parent and senior gave me.

In the end i sort of fall into the 'SUA la' category...heck care everything and just 走一步看一步. But when the 'O' result is release, it was stuck in the middle...not too good and not too bad...and do some reflection on myself...why did i fall into that 'SUA la' category...i realize that i should not be bother how others look at me(including my parents) and just focus on what i should do and what am i doing now.

And i started thinking what kind of course i should go in poly or should i just follow my buddy...MI...in the end i choose to go into poly (ECE) as this course provide me with 4 more option after 3 semester of foundation building. At that point of time, i am still not mature enough to think of my future, and i dun 1 to leave any regrets behind...

But 2 years later, i just made up my mind to fight for AE and that someone told me no matter what you do now still will not reflect on your future...if it really does reflect on your future that is no guarantee that it will keep for long...all you have to do is put in all your effort on what you do now so that you won't leave any regrets behind...some more at the age of 18...we still have long way to go in life...no need to rush through what you can do or you can achieve in the future.

The future is always crave out by your own hands today...and what you did in the past, whether it's a mistake or not, you will always learn something today, that's y it's also call the 'present'.
I sort of woke up after listening to what he told me...asking myself...in this 1 and 1/2 year in poly, have i really put in all my efforts for what i wanted to achieve...? even though making my way through into AE...what is my aim or goal in my life...? I am confuse and lost...

What should i do during the holidays...? Rest to get my momentum back or should i go work for $$$ while improving my skill in shooting...? Or think through about myself...try to set a goal for my life...?

No drive to do anything...not even thinking of training...after this upcoming exam...i really got lots of things to think through...my life, my study, shooting...

Aerospace Electronics

2008-08-01T18:05:00.000+08:00

Hurray...finally got our curriculum option result...got it in the afternoon when Da Jie say that the sch had notify us by email...so i just sat dwn at the lib computer while others are printing the revision paper...

While i was typing my username and password...i was so nervous...thinking what should i do if i never get the choice i want...as i click on the mail...waiting the page to load...my heartbeat went faster and faster...after it's done...i saw that i was posted to AE...(YES...THE CHOICE I RANKED THE 1ST). Felt so relieve after seeing that i got into AE...

Ard 4-5 pple in my class was posted to AE...and most of them go into TP...including some of my ex-classmates

TML...I can celebrate and party...but also not forgetting the upcoming EXAM...

Rotting

2008-07-31T21:50:00.000+08:00

Bored...sitting in front of my lappy...tink of what to do...while listening to my songs...tinking whether i had made the rite choice to skip math CCT and weight it on my EXAM...SO my exam will be freaking 55%...so i gona work like crazy for my math this time round...never tried to pull this kind of stun before...

Even though this time round not possible to score so well in my math...but maybe only a B+...like what some of my friends said...this semester we are screwed, most of us are affected by the option we want...after i made the choice, i been suffering from some complex...

I put AE as my first choice...but is that what i really want to focus on...? Until now, i still dun know what i want to do in the future...AE...? It's only a maybe...

Music, Music and More music....

2008-07-31T19:56:00.000+08:00

Hmm...k...here's the 1st official post from me :D

Ppl who know me for quite a while knows that I LIKE listen to MUSIC....but only METAL or ROCK....ladies...sry to disappoint you if you think i am that sort of sentimentals kind of guy :P
WAHAHAHA....

k...enuf of crapping...or thick skin-ing...here...i want to share with you guys the top rated BANDs around the world

Here's the 1st band that i want to introduce to your.....X JAPAN...it's a band with a history back to 1982...founded by Toshimitsu "Toshi" Deyama and Yoshiki Hayashi Originally named X. They rename their band as X Japan in 1993 and the band dissolution being officially announced in September 1997. In 1998, a tragic happen to the band lead guitarist, Hideto "Hide" Matsumoto, he was found dead in his apartment. In 2007, Toshi announce reunion of X japan and making it's 1st public appearence on the rooftop of the shopping center Aqua City in Odaiba, Tokyo, during which a music video for the newly recorded song "I.V." Unreleased guitar tracks by Hide were used for the lead guitar part in this song.

If you want to listen to their songs, you can play it through the playlist in my BLOG player...:D

NEW BLOG

2008-07-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

NEW BLOG: FINALLY...i started blogging again...had not been typing blog for 1 year le, i feel too tired to blog and there is nothing much to write on the blog itself...and now it seems that i will be able to contact each other (especially those secondary sch friends) through this new blog :)

i will be posting new stuff on the blog soon...