My Life, My Soul

My Life, My soul
Who : Me
What : Abondoned Life
When : 02.07.1990
Where: In her heart

Abandoned Soul
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Art of Life

A familar title isn't it...

yup...a song title from X Japan, but i gona post it in my way. How i feel about life.

What does a art mean to you? To me it can just be a book with empty pages and you are the artist. You have to paint and write that book to make it into the art of your life.

Regardless of what are written on this book, it cannot be revise, rewrite or edit anytime you want. Once written, it will stay there forever. The reader of this book can be anyone in your life.

The start of the book is different for everyone. How they are born etc etc. But have you ever wonder? What if the first chapter of your book is black, nothing, just only black in colour.

In the world, not much people care what they can do to the chapters that are already written. But rather wanted to write the future chapter and make it happen. Who doesn't want to paint and write the future chapter of their own book, so that they can live better.

They forget one factor, every second, every minutes and every hour that past. They are writing the present chapters and also the future chapters. What people do in the present reflects directly on your future.

Every book have an ending to it. Some might just end even without a proper curtains call, just like Michael Jackson's death. The ending of a book, usually depends on what happen in the main storyline.

This book of life, can have a different ending resoective to the storyline. Just like a sudden turning point in your life that put an ends to every thing. You might be very happy and satisified, but your life maybe ending in the the next second.

Nobody knows what will happen in the future, if you don't know, how can you even narrate the story. Neverless, the book go in flows of chapters. 1 - 20 maybe, you cannot have 1 - 5, then saying that you want to know what will happen from 14 - 20.
It's not possible.

So people need to learn how to write a story that is best for them. Whether knowing or not knowing what how the story will go on and end, as long as you are happy and satisified with your own life.

Labels: Art Of Life

inOUR world

Thursday, June 25, 2009
Typical Day...

Yup...the title of this post say it all...

Yesterday

Woke up early in the morning at 7a.m, ate my breakfast, report to work. Nothing interesting happened at work too.

After that, meet up with Xiu Qin at Batok interchange, took 945 to the range. Accidently injured my shoulder the day before, it feels better now, should be able to recover by next week if i dun do anything reckless.

I dun want her to worry so much =(

Hmmm, did some training for a hour, as i predicted, it's in a mess after such a long break. I told coach i'll be stopping for awhile until my attachment end.

Went to Mac at Batok interchange, ate 1 set of upsize BIGMAC meal with a apple pie...
Accompany her while waiting for her bus.

That's all for yesterday.

Today
Woke up quite late today, ard 7.15? Ya, should be ard that time. But I dun feel well at all, my body dosen't seems to feel rite. My throat is super dried like desert. I think is because of the overdose for Mac last nite.

I reach the company. My head feels so heavy...i can't concentrate to do anything. @x@

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I fell in love with the new song from Linkin Park, New Divide. What's a New Divide...? Refer to Jin Cai or Jeannel Blog. Hahahaha
Am I, too on the verge of madness...? =X

I am mad, madly in love wtih her...wahahaha!!!

GAWD...I NEED TO RECOVER!!! MY THROAT...AHHHHHHHHH~~~

Labels: madness, New Divide

inOUR world

Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Happy...

My mood now is happy...hyper and high...hahaha...
guess some of ur know y...hmmm...

I sort of skip the whole day in school, where i suppose to develop my project. But ya...I did went back do my proj and develop the board, just that i did not drill all the micro holes on the board.

After that, went to Sentosa for the amazing race, but but but...i did not join...just went there to accompany Xiu Qin/Jessica and help out with the event.

Had lots of fun, but tiring...i conked out at 11p.m...1st time so early rite...? Wahahaha...

Now I'm back to the company...zzz...so sian when i had to face the computer for 8 hours...AHHHHHHHHH~~~~

I'm still tired, one packet of coffee dosen't seems to do magic and keep me awake for the whole day. Need energy boost!!!

inOUR world

Art Of Life (Live At Tokyo Dome 1993)

Can't seems to upload the song, I embedded the live video from youtube, consider of 5 parts. Enjoy...wahahahah

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

part 5:

inOUR world

Sunday, June 21, 2009

My favourite songs from X Japan, this song is 30mins long...will try to up load...

Art of life

music & words: yoshiki

Desert Rose, why do you live alone?
If you are sad, I'll make you leave this life.
Are you white, blue or bloody red?
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand.

The winds of time, you knock me to the ground.
I'm dying of thirst, I wanna run away
don't know how to set me free to live.
My mind cries out feeling pain.

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart.
In the pain, I'm waiting for you.
Can't go back, no place to go back to.
Life is lost, flowers fall, if it's a dream, now wake me up.
If it's for real, just kill me.

I'm making the wall inside my heart.
I don't wanna let my emotions get out.
It scares me to look at the world.
Don't wanna find myself lost in your eyes.
I tried to drown my past in grey.
I never wanna feel more pain.
Run away from you without saying any words.
What I don't wanna lose is love.

Through my eyes time goes by like tears.
My emotions losing the colour of life.
Kill my heart, release all my pain, I'm shouting out loud.
Insanity takes hold of me...

Turning away from the wall I can see nothing.
The scream deep inside, reflecting another person in my heart.
All existence you see before you must be wiped out.
Dream, reality, memories, and yourself.

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind.
Nobody can stop my turning to madness.
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart.
Why do you wanna raise these walls?
I don't know the meaning of hatred.
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies.
I only want to hold your love.

Stab the dolls of hate.
Wash yourself with their blood.
Drive into the raging current of time.
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly. "The earth."
Shout and start creating confusion,
shed your blood for pleasure. And what?
For love? What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "now".
Past and future prison my heart.
Time is blind, but I wanna trace my love,
on the walls of time over pain in my heart.
Art of life.
Insane blade stabbing dreams.
Try to break all truth now.
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain.
Cannot start to live,
cannot end my life,
keep on crying.

Close my eyes, time breathes, I hear.
All love and sadness melt in my heart.

Dry my tears, wipe my bloody face.
I wanna feel me living outside my walls.

You can't draw a picture of yesterday so you're painting your heart with your blood.
You can't say no, only turning the wheel of time with a rope around your neck.
You build a wall of morality and take a breath from between the bricks.
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them.
You're trying to commit suicide.
You're satisfied with your prologue, now you're painting your first chapter black.
You are putting the scraps of your life together and trying to make an asylum for yourself.
You're hitting a hell at the edge of the stage and you are trying to kill me.

I believe in the madness called "now".
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself.
Still, I haven't found what I'm looking for.
Art Of Life
I try and stop myself but my heart goes to destroy the truth. Tell me why, I want the meaning of my life.
Do I try to live?
Do I try to love?
In my dream...

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart.
I just wanna let my emotions get out.
Nobody can stop, I'm running to freedom, no matter how you try to hold me in your world.

Like a doll carried by the wall of time.
I sacrificed the present moment for the future.
I was in the chains of memory half blinded.
Losing my heart walking in the sea of dreams.

Close my eyes, rose breathes, I can hear,
All love and sadness melt in my heart.
Dry my tears, wipe my bloody face.
I wanna feel me living my life, outside my mind.

Dreams can make me mad.
I can't leave my dream, I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am, what lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "now".
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself
Still, I haven't found what I'm looking for.

Art Of Life.
I try and stop myself but my heart goes to destroy the truth.
Tell me why, I want the meaning of my life.
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life.
An eternal bleeding heart, you never wanna breathe your last.
Wanna live, can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A rose is breathing love, in my life...

inOUR world

Honesty....Right....Wrong....

I can't sleep for the whole night, my sleep just being disrupted, On and Off...

I'm not sure what I did is correct or wrong...I'm just only being honest. But why do I feel so scare what will happen in the near future?

All the thoughts after spelling it out, I suppose to feel lighter on my shoulder, but it seems to get heavier. I dun want to run away anymore, I been thinking for the past few days, and the whole night before I decided what to do. I don't regret after say out all my thoughts but I feel so scare all for the sudden.

Maybe, I shld also give myself more time, I'll not avoid.......

Labels: disrupted

inOUR world

Saturday, June 20, 2009
.................

Yup...hmmmm...went out ard 11a.m to collect my components at bedok, ate lunch...yup...
slack ard until 6+ thn go home...

I was left with some words unspoken...dunno how to say it...or spell it out...

Some thoughts flowing again...I'm scare...

inOUR world

Thursday, June 18, 2009
.....con....fused....

I dunno, I dunno why am I feeling this way, so confused, so frustrated...

My life been perfectly alright...at least on the surface. I been thinking, thinking a lot, i dunno whether i should say it but things kinda change...inconsistency here and there...of course too consistent, others will call you 'No life'

I feel confused, just what the hell had happen??? I'll just keep asking myself this question until someone or something assure me that nothing is wrong. I dun want to keep running away from ALL this problems, I wanted to face it and solve them one by one...I just got to stop screaming for help...no one's able to help me to solve all this problems cos only ONLY me that understand what is going on...

I wanted to space out, but the more I wish, the more thoughts is flowing through my mind...i can't slp neither I can concentrate, these thoughts just struck me from no where even during work and training...

I'm afraid, I wanted to run...but it's not going to help...how am I going to solve all these problems, I'm sure that once all these problem is solved...two scenario will happen...I won't have anymore mental jam...or it will get worst than ever...there won't be such things like...in the middle...

I sometimes dun even know wad am i doing...

ARGH!!! I HATE THIS KIND OF FEELING!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!?

Labels: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~

inOUR world

Blog Revamped: Remix

Stupid photobucket, server overload...

Yup, my old blog skin server is overload for the past few days. Now, I'm using another skin, i hosted myself...

Have alot of trouble editing the HTML codes, totally have no idea how to start with it, so slowly change step by step...and TADA!

After spending one whole hour after my lunch, I finally finished editing it, there's still some stuff i have yet to put up. But will slowly update afterwards.

Hmmm...nothing special happen, just office...except that last sat went to sentosa and cathay for movie.

Need to buck up on training and Jubeat...heh...

Labels: renovation

inOUR world

Friday, June 12, 2009
PC show 2009...

I complete my project...WOOT!!! will be going into producing the actual product soon, I left my schematic and actual PCB board routing.

Yesterday

At the school , doing to the schematic, nothing much special happen. After lunch, went back to project room to do my work, pack up at 3. Met up with Jessica. Took bus to bugis

Went to Bugis with her 1st to collect her pay, then to iluma to get something. While on the way we were like shooting each other...OMG LA =.=" and i was the one always being pawned -.-

Took 133 to suntec, yup...it's PC SHOW!!! WAHAHAHAHA
Few things in my to get list
1) Mobile Broadband
2) Earphone
3) DVI cable

I felt so cheated by M1, i went to the booth which is so freaking big, but most of the promoter is stoning...ok...nvm, so i approach the staff ask them whether the 50% discount is applicable to the 6 months contract, they said yes...so i happily went to the registration counter to get my queue number and wait for my turn to apply...(waiting in progress...)

I proceed to the counter where my queue number is called and they told me the 50% is ONLY ONLY ONLY applicable to the 24MONTHS CONTRACT!!! GOD DAMN IT...=.=

I was really sian...zzz...zzz...zzz

Hmmm...i also got a creative Ep630 and a DVI cable...
the EP 630 is sweet, nice bass and nice quality. I would get a sennhiser if i have $$$, it cost a freaking $140 for a average one...

DVI cable, 1.5m, to save me the trouble of switching the VGA cable of my Xbox 360 to my desktop and vice versa...

Eh...after that, went to bugis to do some window shopping...yup...went to the arcade, Jessica like so stun when she see me play jubeat, saying my hands is very fast...LOL...just wait till she see Kurobe and Chaserz play...i'm nothing compare to them...

Went to pets lover centre too, the hamster is kyote >.< sleeping soundly in their cage...extreme kyoteness...haha

Went to kinokuniya too, the one at bugis like nothing much, no particular title i want..so just look ard...

Hmmm...that's all...

inOUR world

Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Blog revamped

Got bored last night, so i decided to revamp my blog...found this template on the web...yup...play with some HTML code also...change the player skin. The ninja look kyote. Add a widgets, quote of the day...yup...nth much...the regular stuff...tag box...
I'm too lazy to relink ppl...so only a few of them...haha...

inOUR world

Monday, June 8, 2009
You Give Me Something

[You Give Me Something]

by James Morrison

You only stay with me in the morning

You only hold me when I sleep

I was meant to tread the water

But now I’ve gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you

Another piece backs away

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours

Just to spend a little time alone with me

And I can say I’ve never bought you flowers

I can’t work out what they mean

I never thought that I’d love someone

That was someone else’s dream

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late

And the words that I could never say

Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

You give me something

That makes me scared alright

This could be nothing

But I’m willing to give it a try

Please give me something

Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

Like this song alot...trying to get it up on my blog now...taking ages to upload in the company...

inOUR world

Untitle

Eh...i run out of idea for title (limited vocab)...

Anyway...been very bored for the past weekend..yup...

Saturday

Woke up super early like 7.30a.m, went to school, did some stuff for my attachment. Meet up with Jessica and her friend...Cynthia, if i remember correctly. Went to the market at bukit timah and eat, ya...and the usual things happen...i was *bang* by Jessica again...-.-

Yup, after that after breakfast, went to the range with Jessica, train for 2 hours...erm...it sucks, maybe due to the inconsistent training over the past 3 months, the grip on HomeTeam LP2 is seriously too small for my hand.

Met 2 new people, Cynthia and Shawn...friendly, and easy people to chat with.

Hmmm...after that went to IMM and eat lunch, walk to the MRT station, while i 'melt' under the hot sun. Went to silvery note and bukit batok, found 2nd title, Assassin Creed @ $25...just bought it and went home and enjoy the silence while playing my game...no one's at home...

I played for like 20mins...my eyes gave up on me, went to sleep until 7p.m...woke up, dinner, played game again...then watch 'Heroes'. Chat a bit on MSN and went to sleep.

Sunday

Woke up around 10.30a.m, breakfast, game, game game and game...i realise i turned in to a full fledged gamer during the weekends...haha...

Did nothing the whole day except gaming on my Xbox...Guitar Hero, Assassin Creed, Ninja Gaiden and erm...I completed prince of Persia...haha.

Eh...pretty bored in the night, cos everyone was busy resting and preparing their common tests...except me who is on attachment have the luxury of time...

GOSH...having Monday blues...zzz...can i have a cup of coffee~~~

inOUR world

Friday, June 5, 2009
..................

I don't know what title to put for this post...

I can't seems to concentrate on my work now, with so many thoughts flowing...
Recently, some kind of feelings came back to me, i'm not sure why i feeling like this again?
I don't want to get emotional because of all this thoughts and feelings, because it definately will affect my life, at this moment and at this important stage of my life.

I don't feel like expressing how am i feeling right now, how i felt now, there's other party involve. And i'm not really sure whether is it that kind of feeling.

It's been long since i felt like this, all this thoughts it's mixing up, making me confused....

What worst is i cannot express my feeling to anyone...i have to keep it to myself, god knows what will happen if i say it all out? And am I ready to express all my thoughts and feelings...??? I don't know and i don't want to know YET!

inOUR world

Thursday, June 4, 2009
Random...

OMG, I'M DAMN BORED NOW!!!!

ROT, ROT & ROT!!!!

ARGH!!!

inOUR world

Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Crossroad

Another due post...

In my previous post i mention that i been thinking a lot, this is another part of my thoughts...

Around 2 and half years or 3 years back...i made the decision for my education life, my parent did not say much, they respect my choice. I gave up the choice to take A level and went to polytechnic to study engineering instead.

At that moment, i think that if I'm able to score well, i can get into a local govt university. It's much more cheaper and not that taxing to my family, after all, i still have a younger brother who is still pursing his education.

After 1 and half year past, my decision still remain the same, getting into a local govt university, but other than my family, another reason i want to pursue further education is SG is because of the AWC (Air Weapon Club) in NTU and NUS. I wanted to get into NUS, i believe i'm able to do it. Even though it's not as easy compared to NTU...

AWC doesn't really matters so much to me, just that it can ease my expenses on training and able to improve more, but it won't really matter, i still have hometeam membership to continue shooting. And i definitely i won't stop that's the least i can see.

But i been hitted on a crossroad, i saw another path in my life, which is, stepping into the society after i ended my polytechnic education and National Service. I wanted to keep pursuing education in the field of engineering, but i somehow got tired of it. I'm not sure even that I'm able to survive in university in engineering course especially EEE, a course with the highest dropout rate.

Looking at my current attachment, engineering is not as simple as i always thought to be, it's much more complex, it just seems like a field from another universe, nothing similar like what i studied in the past 4 semester. No doubt that i learned more than what i suppose to learn in school but this is just something like first 2 semester of university and i barely able to cope with it.

I suddenly remember someone told me that engineering should not be pursued in polytechnic level, now I'm able to understand that but why SG polytechnics still have so many engineering course. What the course cover in 3 years of polytechnic level engineering is only first few weeks of university, then what is the point? Moreover, getting a distinction for the diploma doesn't get you near anywhere near the average in university.

I don't want to disappoint my parent for not going into university, they did not say it to me but i know somewhere deep in their heart, they want the best of me. And me myself wanted to pursue further education. I don't want to make the wrong decision and regret for the rest of my life.

Getting a university degree doesn't help you to get a job easily after you graduate, there are a lot of teenagers out there holding a degree but unable to get employed by companies. Companies want talent with experience not with result. How much advantage i can get in doing attachment now then getting a job with a degree? I don't know...

inOUR world

Tuesday, June 2, 2009
My life, My Soul....

Ya...the title of this post...is the new title of this blog...

A certain kind of feeling came back to me recently...i been constantly asking myself...have i...fallen...into tat trap...I dunno and I dun want to know YET...

I haven been having this kind of feeling for quite awhile...ever since 2 years ago...the exact same kind of feeling...ARGH!!!!

Life and Soul are linked...there is no say whether which one is controlling which one...
If a person soul is sold to a devil...his life is screwed...but if he remains saint...he will leave a good life. At least that's what normally people believe in...

Am I controlling my soul...? I dunno...i know some times i went out of control, realising what i done wrong after something happen...and keep apologising...i felt stupid, not becos of the 'sorry' that came out from my mouth, but becos why i did not realise what i did is wrong earlier...???

Am I not mature enuf...or just my self discipline???

Then is my life is i control...? I cannot say fully 100% but at least...nothing much went wrong...just normal...too normal and too clam...that's wad I'm worry about...if something happen now...I'll be screwed, everything will just go hay-wired, I'll just lost control of everything...at least that's how i see it...

I'm thinking a lot for these few days...all these tots just flow in.......................

inOUR world